Patience

I think God is trying to tell me something. Actually, I think He’s been whispering it for a while, but I wasn’t listening…until now.

I am having the great experience of an ear infection. It hurts, it throbs, it pretty much sucks! I have not been able to hear out of this one ear for over a week now.  The pain and pressure are overwhelming. Every noise around me gets mixed in the signal. I can’t tell how loud I am, or how loud anything around me is. My kids have learned to walk on the side of my “good” ear. We use outside voices while in the house.

Two days in, I begged my doctor to lance it and drain it (I know, gross!). But, she said that I had to try antibiotics for a week before they would do that.  I left that day with a patient heart.

I wait patiently…

…in the checkout line at the grocery store.

…for my food at a restaurant.

…at the longest stoplight on my route to work.

This ear thing…I got this!

So, I went back to the doctor today. My one week was up. Please, oh please, make the pain and pressure stop. That was my plea. I had no patience left. Then the ENT explained the procedure and the risk..and I cried. I wanted the healing to come, but not at the risk of getting hurt worse. That’s when I heard God nudge me. “Where is your patience, daughter?”  The doctor’s recommendation: a different antibiotic and a good dose of time. I cried again. The room was so quiet. The doctor stared at me, waiting on my decision. Then, I heard Him a second time. “Where is your patience, daughter? All wounds take time to heal.” I know God was saying no, so I left with another prescription and an aching heart.

Even though His words came at the time I was dealing with my painful ear, I know He meant them for more than that. He meant them for my painful heart. You see, I have this other part of my life (more painful than this ear infection) that I am not so patient with. I want the healing to have already happened. I want to be done with the hurt. I want to be “all better”…like two weeks ago. Most days, I’m good. A lot of days, I am great! But I still have those other days. The days that my heart cries out. The days loneliness screams at me. If I’m not careful, those days can overshadow all of the good days I’ve had. So then, I get mad at myself for allowing those days to even happen. I tell myself that enough time has passed, that I’ve mourned, that I’ve moved on. I am harder on myself than I would allow anyone else to be. But those days still happen…and will happen. But, next time, I will hear His tender voice remind me “Where is your patience, daughter?” I will let His words soothe me. “All wounds take time to heal.”