Clean-up

Why is it so hard to "clean up"? It is way more fun to make the mess. It's the same for our lives as it is for our kitchen. We spend our time making memories. Then, somewhere along the line, we get off track. We become enthralled with the fun, the laughter, the excitement. We lose site of our life goal, of our purpose. We are entranced with the feel-goods. I know God wants us to enjoy life. But, He also wants us to clean up as we go. If we make a mistake, we are supposed to recognize it, correct it, and make amends to those that we have hurt (especially Christ). If I keep making mistakes without stopping to "clean up," then I will have quite a mess to contend with after all the fun is done. God does not expect my life to be perfect. In fact, He expects all of us to make mistakes. But, He also expects us to clean up after ourselves. He expects us to recognize our messes and deal with them - just like our Heavenly Father should!

Choices

Today, I'm blinded by my choices. Choices that I have made, choices that I didn't make, and choices that I should have made. Sometimes, I cannot see past the everyday to see the big picture. The picture God sees. The picture that really matters. I know I've messed up with some of my choices. But, on the flip side, I've made some really good choices. The choice to marry my husband, the choice to have two beautiful children, the choice that I make every day to try to be the kind of mom that my daughter can aspire to be. I'm not perfect, my choices aren't perfect. God loves me anyways. He knows that, deep in my heart, I truly desire to serve Him. That I want to live out the version of myself that He intended for me to be. And, even when my choices take me down a different path, He can repave the rest of that path to end right where He wants/needs me to be. He loves all of me, imperfect me! ;)

Amazing Love

Most people complain when their child gets sick on a weekend. I'm not most people. I selfishly enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, I hate it when my babies get sick but you won’t hear me complaining if it happens during my time off. You see, during the week, I would be frantic trying to find someone to watch him/her. I would feel like a failure of a mother all day for having to go to work while my little one needs me. Also, I would feel like a failure of a worker all day if I had to call in sick to my employer. It is always a lose/lose situation. However, on the weekend, I get to be the doting mommy that my kids long for and deserve. I get a glow about me and take pride in my mothering skills knowing that my babies are not having to wait for someone else to figure out what a grunt or a whine is all about. I carried both of them in my body. I have every part of their being embedded in my very soul. I am so very grateful for the family that I have because they will drop just about everything to help us out. And, Ryan is always willing to keep them at home if he can, even when he has to take off work to do it. However, I yearn and ache to hold and comfort them in their time of need. Many have tried but NO ONE (that is on Earth) can duplicate the love of a devoted mother. I pray for those out there that have never known of the love that I am speaking. It is a genuine, one-of-a-kind feeling. It is a fire that surrounds and engulfs you, creating warmth that no amount of water can douse. I look to God when I need that kind of love. I don’t look to him near enough as I should and maybe that is why it is so difficult to forgive my own mom. Just like a mother's love, God’s love is also never-ceasing, all-engulfing, and blissfully-tender. And no one can duplicate His love, not even a devoted mother!

The truth will set you free!

I have been wondering if I should be revealing the horrific things that my step-dad did to me. Is it too much for others to handle? Will people think bad of ME for what was done to me? Will they be able to comprehend the details? By writing about my experiences, I pray that the ones reading it will find comfort in knowing that this does happen to girls.

By talking about it, I have found a cathartic release for my anguish and frustration. I want girls to talk about what has happened or is happening to them and not be ashamed. There should be no shame for what you have no control over. I did not want him to touch me like that. Of course, I wanted his love and attention, but as a father, not as a lover. That is a way a man should touch an adult woman, not how a grown man should touch any child. If all girls were to speak about these atrocities, then these men might be ashamed. Too ashamed to touch a child for fear that the whole world will know their dirty secret.

I am encouraging each and every one of you to speak out publicly! Tell these perverts that it is not okay! We will no longer be the ones who are ashamed! You should be ashamed of your actions and your thoughts, for God knows even your innermost desires! It is not right for grown men to lay their sexual desires on a child! It is sinful, disgusting, shameful, and just plain WRONG on every level! Women, set you daughters free! Let them know what has happened to you and that you will do everything in your power to protect them from this, even if it costs you your happiness! For a mother can only be truly happy when her children are happy, healthy, and safe from harm! Let's speak out about the abuse for all to see that we are no longer going to hide! We were abused but look at us now! It is the abusers shame, not ours, and we will no longer own it!

Please feel free to share your experience(s) with me and others by posting a comment on this blog. If you are not ready to share your story with the world, I understand. Feel free to email me anytime at dooley.nicole@gmail.com. Share your story with me. Even when no one else believes you and the whole world seems a million miles away, I can be here for you. God is here for you. Do not be ashamed. Know that it is NOT normal, it is NOT your fault. God loves you and He will give them the justice they deserve. Our earthly justice hold no candle to the justice He doles out on the day of reckoning. (Revelation 20:12-15)

Dear Lord,
Tonight, I pray that no man will lay an evil hand on a child. Lord, please ease the pain and suffering of the victims of sexual abuse. Help them realize and believe that it is not their fault and that You still love them. Please protect my children, our children, Your children. Lord, draw us near to You so that we may clothe ourselves in Your beauty and righteousness. We love you, Lord, and only seek Your approval. Please forgive those in which I cannot forgive and forgive me for not forgiving him.
In Jesus name,
Amen
Nicole Dooley *To God be the glory, Amen!

When you call on Jesus...

I am trying to practice what the bible preaches on forgiveness. I struggle every day with learning to forgive. I keep telling myself that I don’t know how to forgive. The truth is that I don’t want to. I am so afraid of being hurt again and again. If I forgive my mom the way Jesus wants me to, I would have to let her get close again. However, I am bombarded with questions and doubt. Will she ever choose me? How can she love him and me at the same time? How can she have sex with him knowing that he performed oral sex on me, a child barely 8 years old? How can she look at him and not see the pain that she causes me? How can she not try harder to be the mom that I need? What about her two beautiful grandchildren that she misses out on? Do they not matter more than a “relationship” with him? How do I forgive and protect my heart, my soul, my very being?

The answer, as you could guess, is to call on Jesus. I call out His name, constantly asking Him to help me be ready to forgive. I know that through Him all things are possible. I know that He will be there to hold me when my entire world comes crumbling down again. You see, He already has been there. Every time that I have sat and cried in my own puddle of sorrow, He has held me and comforted me. I know that He does not promise us to be pain-free but He does promise us His love and forgiveness. He wants me to love and forgive others in the same way that He loves and forgives them. I was praying the other day and asked God “how do I know that they have asked for Your forgiveness?” He gently reminded me that repentance is for His benefit, not mine. My mom does not have to ask for my forgiveness. She can and does go on through life without ever having to be forgiven by me.

Dear Lord,

Please help me to be the woman that you intended on me to be. Help me to forgive the ones that have done wrong to me because, ultimately, they did those things to You. I am Your child and I want to make you happy. You are who I want to be comforted by. I pray to You, Lord, for forgiveness for my mom, the forgiveness that I cannot give her. Lord, please rest my weakened spirit. Let me draw comfort and wisdom from You. Please guide me in the way that I should go. Help me find the path to true forgiveness, Your forgiveness.

In Jesus’ precious name, Amen

Nicole Dooley

 

"To God be the glory! Amen"

Weakened Flesh seeks Willing Spirit

I am so tired of being walked on, ignored, AND blamed for things that are beyond my control. I know that God tells us to turn the other cheek, but where do I find another cheek. The two I have are completely worn out. Between my mom, my husband, and my work, I feel like I should be committed. Okay, so I’ll get off my soapbox now. Even though it feels good to vent, I need to remind myself that “it’s not all about me.” God did not put me on this earth to do good for me. He wants me to do good for others in His name. It feels like every time I try to move closer to Him, the devil finds another way in. The devil constantly attacks me in my dreams at night and my thoughts throughout the day. He knows when my marriage is weak and just what to do to try to break it. When I am weary, he knows which hot buttons to push. Mark 14:38 says “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” I keep hearing that verse over and over in my head. It is times like this that I don’t know how to get the strength I need. I know where to get it (God). I am just at a loss for how to get it…or maybe receive it. Maybe that is the problem! I keep asking for it and I KNOW that He is giving it but I don’t feel it. I can’t find it. Somewhere down the line, have I forgotten how to receive it? Normally, I don’t ask for prayers. However, I really need some right now. So please ask God to help me with the difficulties that I am having. Please ask Him to strengthen my marriage before it breaks. Pray for me to remember how to receive His never-ending gifts. I know that they are there; I just can’t find the forest for the trees.

Dear Lord,

Please let me find Your strength. I have never been good at hints so please give me directions. Lord, I know that You love me and want good for me; just as You do for all of Your followers. Please help me to see what I cannot see, help me to help others. Please forgive me for what my mind thinks and know that I will turn from temptations. Let me come boldly to Your throne of grace, that I may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in my time of need.

In Jesus’ precious name,

Amen

Until next time…

 

Nicole Dooley

 

"To God be the glory! Amen"

 

 

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

As I have prayed and asked God for guidance over the possibility of a change in career, He has repeatedly told me “Be still and know that I am God.” I continually struggle with this passage, not knowing the future and what may come of it. I think God is telling me that, even when I don’t know what will happen, He knows. Instead of getting “my panties in a twist” and worrying myself to death, he wants me to “be still” and let him guide me. If I am constantly moving, trying to figure out the right thing to do, He cannot lead me. So, until told otherwise, I am going to be still and let Him guide me down the path HE chooses. My prayer today is that we all “Be still” for even a few moments and realize that He is our answer.

Here is a link to an article that helped me today. http://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1245-be-still-and-know-that-i-am-god

Nicole Dooley

 

"To God be the glory! Amen"