Landscaping

My husband and I spent our Sunday afternoon working in our front yard. When we bought the house 8+ years ago, we had grand plans. But this weekend, we made a big mess of our "landscaping" ideas. We planted bushes and built up a small brick wall. We dug up bulbs and weeds. We laid down landscaping fabric to keep out future weeds. We worked ourselves into a tizzy. Of course, my perfectionist mind had bigger dreams. I couldn't stop fixing and moving and digging and planting and and and... When I finally stepped back to take a look, I was displeased...but still happy. It has a long way to go but looks leaps and bounds better than it did. I wonder if God feels the same way about me. Does He dig up my selfish ways and replant me with His love? Does He step back with disappointment because I have so very far to go? Does He still feel happy that I am trying? Does He cross His fingers hoping His love will take root and bloom in me? Will He keep digging up the weeds in my heart, knowing that they will return slowly but surely? Maybe I am looking at it wrong... Maybe I am not the landscape. Maybe my family is the landscape and I am the gardener that He has chosen to care for His them. He has put me in charge of not letting the weeds take root in their hearts. He wants me to feed them with His word and help them learn how to soak up the rays of His love. I pray that I can be a good gardener to His landscape. Here's to showing them how great it is to bask in His love!

Choices

Today, I'm blinded by my choices. Choices that I have made, choices that I didn't make, and choices that I should have made. Sometimes, I cannot see past the everyday to see the big picture. The picture God sees. The picture that really matters. I know I've messed up with some of my choices. But, on the flip side, I've made some really good choices. The choice to marry my husband, the choice to have two beautiful children, the choice that I make every day to try to be the kind of mom that my daughter can aspire to be. I'm not perfect, my choices aren't perfect. God loves me anyways. He knows that, deep in my heart, I truly desire to serve Him. That I want to live out the version of myself that He intended for me to be. And, even when my choices take me down a different path, He can repave the rest of that path to end right where He wants/needs me to be. He loves all of me, imperfect me! ;)

Amazing Love

Most people complain when their child gets sick on a weekend. I'm not most people. I selfishly enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, I hate it when my babies get sick but you won’t hear me complaining if it happens during my time off. You see, during the week, I would be frantic trying to find someone to watch him/her. I would feel like a failure of a mother all day for having to go to work while my little one needs me. Also, I would feel like a failure of a worker all day if I had to call in sick to my employer. It is always a lose/lose situation. However, on the weekend, I get to be the doting mommy that my kids long for and deserve. I get a glow about me and take pride in my mothering skills knowing that my babies are not having to wait for someone else to figure out what a grunt or a whine is all about. I carried both of them in my body. I have every part of their being embedded in my very soul. I am so very grateful for the family that I have because they will drop just about everything to help us out. And, Ryan is always willing to keep them at home if he can, even when he has to take off work to do it. However, I yearn and ache to hold and comfort them in their time of need. Many have tried but NO ONE (that is on Earth) can duplicate the love of a devoted mother. I pray for those out there that have never known of the love that I am speaking. It is a genuine, one-of-a-kind feeling. It is a fire that surrounds and engulfs you, creating warmth that no amount of water can douse. I look to God when I need that kind of love. I don’t look to him near enough as I should and maybe that is why it is so difficult to forgive my own mom. Just like a mother's love, God’s love is also never-ceasing, all-engulfing, and blissfully-tender. And no one can duplicate His love, not even a devoted mother!