Giving

Three months ago, I gave my marriage over to God. I told him that all of my "fixing" didn't work. I knew that he was the only Mender. I was powerless against the negative that had taken over. Don't get me wrong, I still worked on myself. I still prayed that God would bring healing, that this damaged ship would not sink. Now, I am looking back at the wreckage, the massive carnage that is left behind. My marriage has come to a tragic end. But I still hold on to my faith. Giving over doesn't mean that God will fix. Giving over means that you relinquish all control to Him. You give it to Him to work on. That doesn't mean He does your plan but that you are willing to follow His plan. God can  take all bad things and make them good. He can, and does, take the broken and make it whole. I have absolute faith that God will work a miracle in my life. I know that He will take this really big hurt and use it for His good works. He is mighty. He is awesome. He loves me and He knows my heart's desire. He not only knows but will honor my true needs. His plan for my life is far greater than I can even imagine. I prayed for healing in my marriage. For whatever reason, that was not in His plan. Or maybe it was but God knows that it would have taken two willing parties for a marital success. No matter the circumstance or reason, God will use me and the lessons that I have learned. He will continue teaching me to walk in His path. He will light the way for me, no matter how dark the clouds make it seem. These are the truths that I know God has promised. He has promised them to me and He has promised them to you. 

Pain

This week, I was reading about the sick woman in Mark 5:25-34. She had bled for 12 years and had exhausted all of her money with doctors that could not heal her. She was ashamed and excluded, your average outcast. She came to a gathering where Jesus was. As she made her way through the crowd that encompassed Jesus, she reached out, hoping to do nothing more than graze his cloak with the tips of her fingers. She had complete faith that her affliction would be healed just by this slight touch. When she brushes his garment, she was immediately healed. Mark 5:29b says "she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering." Oh to be free! Isn't that what we all long for? Free from the pain of an illness or bodily injury. Free from the pain of an emotional hurt. Free from the bondages of sin that hold us back from the life Christ desires for us. What is truly amazing to me is how Jesus responded. When he felt the power leave him, he turned and questioned "Who touched my clothes?" After he saw the woman, she fell to His feet and told Him the truth. This is what moved me...He did not scold her or shame her. He tenderly called her His daughter. He said "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." One of my favorite authors recently said "Pain is pain." Whether the pain is from a physical injury, an emotional injury, or a spiritual injury, the pain is real. It just hurts. Whether the pain is self-inflicted or caused by others, it still hurts. Jesus wants us to bring our pain to Him. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in "feeling" the pain that we forget that God himself came down to Earth and lived the most painful life ever known. He hung on the cross - physical injury. He was betrayed by His own people - emotional injury. From the cross, He even cried out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" - spiritual injury. No matter the depth or severity of our pain, God promises to heal our pain. We only have to take it to Him, reach out for His cloak, and fall to His feet. 

Dear Lord, I take my pain to you. Only You know the true pain that lies within me and only You can take it away. I know you promise to heal me. But I also know that may not happen in this life. Lord, please show me how to use this pain to chip away the parts of me that are not of You. Give me the grace to forgive myself and to forgive others. Help me to be more like You. In Your precious name, Amen.